So today, I have felt a small light glimmering from a long distance! Getting wrapped up in a past experience is exhausting work..if you know why you're there!!! I go there when I know some thing big is about to happen! My oldest daughter Emily will head off to university in the fall of 2012, some laugh and say...don't worry so soon! It's not really worry, it's sad/happy anticipation and a mixed bag of feelings! Em's gone places! Lots of places! This year she will go to Europe for her grade 12 school trip...last year it was Calgary for a few weeks and then there's the trip to Utah in February for her Audition at Utah state! Where she hopes to attend for a music therapy degree! So, she is well traveled and that's only a small part of it! SO, it's not panic, just a sense of a turning point in my life! While she moves forward I take a step back to see where that leaves me! I have no problem with the idea of cutting apron Strings! I am just plain and simple going to miss the bejeebers out of her! We've been together forever..luckily I know it's going to stay that way but the definition of together is going to change A LOT!
As for visiting the past to clear a way for the future! I get very sluggish when big things are going to change, mind and body shut down to a bare minimum performance rate to compensate for all the thoughts and plans that are about to take place!
I have long since known that Truro NS is where I was born, grew up but that I would get out. I remember reasons and questions and the joy of getting OUT!
I remember coming back and hearing someone suggest that maybe while Emily is healing I can too! I kinda ran away from here they thought! Well yes and you would too! Another part of the story for another day!
There was good reason to go...HAD NO REASON TO STAY! And so it is with the future! NO GOOD REASON TO STAY! Once Emily moves on! I am going to move on too! The kids and I will return to AB. I cringe at all the work needing to be done for this to happen! BUT I rejoice in knowing that it will all come together! QUESTION...can I learn from the past and give it to the future! My future and the future of my youngest kids! Start now to be ready to leave in a year! Embrace the good people who are here! Love them build on what we have so it doesn't die when we leave! I hope so! I need to do more than hope! I need to do!
I am hoping against all hope that my loose ends from the past are sewn up tight as a drum so they don't come unraveled ever again! It's been interesting to learn that the past has a way of making us forget the ugly truth and dream of what could have been! Dreaming usually indicates a future of something bigger but I have dreamed a lot of the past and wished it could have been different!
I am off on an adventure....one that will return my children to a world they have been waiting for! A world from which they came! Family, friends, faith, and fun! For me, sisters, sharing, support and stability!
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